Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
