He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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