I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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