32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
