my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I wish i was in the wii world.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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