We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
