i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
