It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
