there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
