I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
