Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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