I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
