He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
