you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
