I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
