batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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