And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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