dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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