This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Randomize
