Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
