god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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