Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I think my vagina is haunted
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize