I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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