someone get that fucking seahorse.
i barfeds in our rink
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
