you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
