why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
