I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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