fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
