i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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