We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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