why didn't you poke me back
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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