So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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