What did we do last night that was yellow?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
