i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
