drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize