I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
this boner is exhausting
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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