Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
