If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Oh god it's open bar.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize