Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
