He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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