i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
