Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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