Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize