Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
