I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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