So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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