wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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