Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
