Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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