I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
