I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Drunk is a universal language darling
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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