if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
