Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
