Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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