did you get engaged???
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
