We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
