i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
