halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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