never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
