she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize