Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
