wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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