Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
