I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
there is puke in my bra ... again
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