yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize