Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
