swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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