I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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