I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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