got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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