You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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