Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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