I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
